truth

Chase After Me

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I know. I walked out the door

Don’t remember what it all was for

I just wanted you to chase after me-

Tell me to turn around; but I’m all alone.

 

I break, knowing I’m not good enough

Every inch is scarred, calloused, and rough

Unwanted orphan searching for a home

No, not a house- I long for a home.

 

My heart, I gave you; you’re my only home

Yet I still feel like an orphan every storm.

I threaten to leave without meaning to

And suddenly I am put to shame.

 

All I wanted was you to be my home

To welcome me back despite where I’ve come from.

Wrap me in your arms; tell me all is okay.

When I try to run, chase me- make me stay.

 

Alone, I walked out the door

I looked back and sobbed ‘til my eyes were sore

All I wanted was for you to say you’re sorry;

Tell me to turn around as you chase after me.

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Future

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Is it wrong that I fear your departure

That I watch as intently as a vulture

No, you’re not a prey I wish to capture—

I just really need you in my future.

Depression

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I’m alone in my silence,
And there she is with Conscience.
I’m in bed, in the darkness,
She tells me I am worthless.

Long days when I feel unloved,
She whispers- to only agree
Triggered through my sensitive skin,
Another wave, she rushes in.

Inseparable- no escape
Endless pitfall of guilt and shame.
Bitter feelings, jealousy-
There’s no future nor hope for me.

To dream for her death is to dream-
A dream so remote, I dare not dream
To tame is a skill I do not have
As the soul is unwilling to embrace.

She walks with me everyday-
She walks among us, my friends.
Don’t look at me on the dark days;
You might see her instead.

They Were Right/ I Miss You

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Perhaps they were right- we are too young;
Old enough to fall in love, too young to stay in love.
We are young. We are growing, unstable, maturing-
People change; we’re molded with different dents,
But maybe we’re too old to dent on the same end
And sometimes I can’t help it but
I miss you.

We fight, each time under a new flag you charge;
You whip me with your tongue, hands, empty art-
I, so wounded deep, stand to stay strong
To only be chastised for being strong;
And sometimes I can’t help it but
I miss you.

I miss the gracefully dented art
I envisioned you to be.
I miss the unscraped sides I saw-
Or thought were there as they seemed.
I miss your soft clay to bend and dent at my own scratches and flaws;
Perhaps they were right and we are wrong together
But at the end of the day, for how long we shall last, though we’re no longer the same
I love you more to date.

男女不平等 / Double Standards

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做女人真的不容易,
想放棄也不能放棄。
一切要懂、一切完美
男人重視要的是最美。

做女人真的很幸苦,
坐時要直、說話溫柔。
世界介意女人行踪,
卻不管男人行動。

世界男女不會平等
社會對女人要求高,
而男人亂來沒關係,
人人虛偽、沒愛心。

 

 

[English translation: ]

做女人真的不容易,
Being a woman is really not easy,
想放棄也不能放棄。
Wanting to give up, but you can’t give up.
一切要懂、一切完美
Needing to know everything, needing to be all-perfect
男人重視要的是最美。
Men of course always want the prettiest.

做女人真的很幸苦,
Being a woman is really hard,
坐時要直、說話溫柔。
Needig to sit straight, needing to be soft-spoken.
世界介意女人行踪,
The world cares about womens’ whereabouts and history,
卻不管男人行動。
Yet does not care about mens’ actions.

世界男女不會平等
World men and women will never be equal
社會對女人要求高,
The society sets high expectations for women,
而男人亂來沒關係,
But when men do wrong deeds it’s okay,
人人虛偽、沒愛心。
Everyone’s a hypocrite without a loving heart.

I Might Lie

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[VERSE 1:]
Truth.
My heart wants to work it out with you,
Marry you- grow old with you.
My heart ain’t got somebody else;
Don’t wanna start with someone new.
Stupid heart- in prison; my mind, prison guard
There’s only so little left of me, I’m going insane.
You drive me crazy; can’t bruise again
I set myself free.

[CHORUS:]
You tore me to pieces
What’d you expect me to do
My stupid heart, I love you
But I hate you,
Can’t take my mind off you.
And if you see me with him,
All smiles with the perfect man
I might be wishing it’d be you
Waiting for you to come take me home.
But these words I can never tell you
I won’t tell you; I’m a woman.
So If you ask me if I’m happy with him,
If I’m over you, found somebody new-
I might lie.

[VERSE 2:]
Truth.
I know I told you to leave me alone
When all I really want is you to stay with me.
I know I’ve said we ain’t got no hope
But deep inside I want you to prove me wrong.
And even if I won’t pick up the phone
To see the miss calls bring warmth in my heart
But you drive me crazy; need to protect myself
I set myself free.

[CHROUS]

[REFRAIN:]
And if someday I get a boyfriend, if any, after you
And you decide you still want me, and your heart aches to see me with him
Don’t be afraid to come over, and tell me the truth
And court me like you’ve never before, cause maybe I’m really still into you.
And someday when I’m in a white dress, bells ringing, doves singing
And your heart aches seeing me in a white dress with some other man,
Don’t be afraid to stand up, and speak before it’s too late-
And spare me from eternity thinking what it would be if you were a better man.
Spare me from eternity spending my lifetime with the wrong man.

[CHROUS]

And if in a decade or so, I’m still your only one,
Even after I have wandered far and lied to you,
Perhaps then I will know it’s true
And maybe then I wouldn’t have to lie,
Maybe then I could finally say
I love you too.

Homeward

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Ashamed of the things I allowed to be done, ashamed of my sin,
I let these things define who I am- the past and mistakes.
For long, I’ve thrived in my guilt, broke down a number of times
Fearing the consequences to come- punishment from above.

With my sin and immoral acts, I drifted apart from You;
For how can I come to You in prayer when Perfection is Your name.
I heard the devil’s victory laugh as my soul collapsed
As I allowed my every shame to conquer and devour my core.

Fearing how people would see me and judge me when they find my flaws,
Knowing how people love to gossip as I lose their respect.
Afraid of how unlovable I would then be if things were to fall apart-
How I would grow old, lonely and gray, bitter of all things.

Searching for people’s approval, people-pleaser that I am,
I forget there is one to please the most- You, O Lord.
I let the world win over my convictions and sway me from my roots
I ask for Your forgiveness, for strength- to be renewed.

Your great love remains unchanged even though I’ve let You down;
There is nothing I can ever do for You to love me any more or less.
Your grace is abundant, Your blessings overflow;
I’m showered everyday by Your grace that I do not deserve.

Lord, lead me to follow Your commands, allow me to stand firm
I long to draw closer to You, as I have drifted far.
I am Your sheep- wandered lost, fallen, and wounded;
You are my good Shepherd, searching and calling me home.