truth

Woe to My Heart

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Woe to me and my heart-

You wound me like no other

Drew your darts and paper flowers

Made me disobey my mother.

 

Mercy upon my heart strings-

You played me like a player

Gave up everything I’ve garnered

And followed my betrayer.

 

Lord forgive your cruel actions-

You fill my mind with foolish things

Hunger through every interaction

And starve through famine, craving feast.

 

(from May 25, 2018)

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Cannot Move On

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I don’t wish to regret whatever decision we make now

But if we were to split apart, please don’t have someone new

I know it’s selfish but I cannot bear the pain to be replaced

Please wait for me to get over you and have someone else

Not that I want to move on- just that I cannot move on from you.

Chase After Me

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I know. I walked out the door

Don’t remember what it all was for

I just wanted you to chase after me-

Tell me to turn around; but I’m all alone.

 

I break, knowing I’m not good enough

Every inch is scarred, calloused, and rough

Unwanted orphan searching for a home

No, not a house- I long for a home.

 

My heart, I gave you; you’re my only home

Yet I still feel like an orphan every storm.

I threaten to leave without meaning to

And suddenly I am put to shame.

 

All I wanted was you to be my home

To welcome me back despite where I’ve come from.

Wrap me in your arms; tell me all is okay.

When I try to run, chase me- make me stay.

 

Alone, I walked out the door

I looked back and sobbed ‘til my eyes were sore

All I wanted was for you to say you’re sorry;

Tell me to turn around as you chase after me.

Future

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Is it wrong that I fear your departure

That I watch as intently as a vulture

No, you’re not a prey I wish to capture—

I just really need you in my future.

Depression

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I’m alone in my silence,
And there she is with Conscience.
I’m in bed, in the darkness,
She tells me I am worthless.

Long days when I feel unloved,
She whispers- to only agree
Triggered through my sensitive skin,
Another wave, she rushes in.

Inseparable- no escape
Endless pitfall of guilt and shame.
Bitter feelings, jealousy-
There’s no future nor hope for me.

To dream for her death is to dream-
A dream so remote, I dare not dream
To tame is a skill I do not have
As the soul is unwilling to embrace.

She walks with me everyday-
She walks among us, my friends.
Don’t look at me on the dark days;
You might see her instead.

They Were Right/ I Miss You

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Perhaps they were right- we are too young;
Old enough to fall in love, too young to stay in love.
We are young. We are growing, unstable, maturing-
People change; we’re molded with different dents,
But maybe we’re too old to dent on the same end
And sometimes I can’t help it but
I miss you.

We fight, each time under a new flag you charge;
You whip me with your tongue, hands, empty art-
I, so wounded deep, stand to stay strong
To only be chastised for being strong;
And sometimes I can’t help it but
I miss you.

I miss the gracefully dented art
I envisioned you to be.
I miss the unscraped sides I saw-
Or thought were there as they seemed.
I miss your soft clay to bend and dent at my own scratches and flaws;
Perhaps they were right and we are wrong together
But at the end of the day, for how long we shall last, though we’re no longer the same
I love you more to date.

男女不平等 / Double Standards

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做女人真的不容易,
想放棄也不能放棄。
一切要懂、一切完美
男人重視要的是最美。

做女人真的很幸苦,
坐時要直、說話溫柔。
世界介意女人行踪,
卻不管男人行動。

世界男女不會平等
社會對女人要求高,
而男人亂來沒關係,
人人虛偽、沒愛心。

 

 

[English translation: ]

做女人真的不容易,
Being a woman is really not easy,
想放棄也不能放棄。
Wanting to give up, but you can’t give up.
一切要懂、一切完美
Needing to know everything, needing to be all-perfect
男人重視要的是最美。
Men of course always want the prettiest.

做女人真的很幸苦,
Being a woman is really hard,
坐時要直、說話溫柔。
Needig to sit straight, needing to be soft-spoken.
世界介意女人行踪,
The world cares about womens’ whereabouts and history,
卻不管男人行動。
Yet does not care about mens’ actions.

世界男女不會平等
World men and women will never be equal
社會對女人要求高,
The society sets high expectations for women,
而男人亂來沒關係,
But when men do wrong deeds it’s okay,
人人虛偽、沒愛心。
Everyone’s a hypocrite without a loving heart.