suicide

Depression 2.0

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Disclaimer: The following may contain upsetting context that may be inappropriate for certain audiences. This does not, in any way, encourage suicide or glorify depression. This is to further raise awareness, and a mere form of self-expression. It is best to not to proceed reading if you are going through difficulty, as it may induce strong and upsetting emotions. Thank you.

Did I fail at life–

Or did life fail me,

So much that I

Long to end my life?

 

For the older I become,

The more I realize

That my endless wait and hope

Are just futile fantasy.

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What No One Knows

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She stands alone

She talks to her shadows

The storm came by

And took all she’s ever known

Now she’s lost and lonely

And no one even knows.

 

She cries alone

In the middle of the night

The storm came by

And she’s lost everything she’s ever had

Now she’s fallen into the dark

And no one even knows.

 

How can a girl love

When she loved and lost?

How can you keep a girl

When you never won her at all?

She’s found hell and decided

“It’s not so bad,” she says, “I’m already here.”

Pain and flames but she’s grown numb

She can’t find hope nor Light

She’s lost her will to live

And no one even knows.

Depression

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I’m alone in my silence,
And there she is with Conscience.
I’m in bed, in the darkness,
She tells me I am worthless.

Long days when I feel unloved,
She whispers- to only agree
Triggered through my sensitive skin,
Another wave, she rushes in.

Inseparable- no escape
Endless pitfall of guilt and shame.
Bitter feelings, jealousy-
There’s no future nor hope for me.

To dream for her death is to dream-
A dream so remote, I dare not dream
To tame is a skill I do not have
As the soul is unwilling to embrace.

She walks with me everyday-
She walks among us, my friends.
Don’t look at me on the dark days;
You might see her instead.

Poison

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The poison comes and hollows me out,

As the swirling black hole swallows me,

Don’t know, don’t care what life is about,

The gray scale colors are all I see.

 

As depression comes so quickly,

Sadness, hatred, and the will to die.

I begin to see one word clearly:

Death. Suicide- a piece of pie.

 

But just when I feel no one loves me,

I remember a few faces,

One of them, yours, I see,

A bit of happiness then increases.

 

How strange, the way you affect my life,

As we do not talk much face to face,

But all that’s needed is a glance,

With your eyes, I know what they say.

 

I still don’t know how you could love me-

Short, fat, not pretty, not ugly.

Not kind, not mean, not dumb, not witty.

I’m just mediocre, really.

 

But you love me and you care,

All these years you’ve never failed.

You’ve never placed me in despair,

All these moments that we’ve shared.