sadness

Rider

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His sword, his shield, his cap, his built
His twisted mind; heart without guilt
Rider on a horse as dark as night
Do not be fooled- a thief in disguise.

With you, he’ll ride across the sky,
Beware dauntless princess, pure as white;
Taboo is the full moon- don’t draw near,
Break away when to the moon he veers.

Riding faster, steel forms in his eyes
Tell him to stop, the faster he’ll fly.
Dives into the full moon, clouds your mind,
Kills your soul, leaves you entwined.

His words, his gifts, his touch, his kiss
His promises of perfect bliss
Rider on a dark horse as dark as night
Do not be fooled- an assassin in disguise.

I Might Lie

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[VERSE 1:]
Truth.
My heart wants to work it out with you,
Marry you- grow old with you.
My heart ain’t got somebody else;
Don’t wanna start with someone new.
Stupid heart- in prison; my mind, prison guard
There’s only so little left of me, I’m going insane.
You drive me crazy; can’t bruise again
I set myself free.

[CHORUS:]
You tore me to pieces
What’d you expect me to do
My stupid heart, I love you
But I hate you,
Can’t take my mind off you.
And if you see me with him,
All smiles with the perfect man
I might be wishing it’d be you
Waiting for you to come take me home.
But these words I can never tell you
I won’t tell you; I’m a woman.
So If you ask me if I’m happy with him,
If I’m over you, found somebody new-
I might lie.

[VERSE 2:]
Truth.
I know I told you to leave me alone
When all I really want is you to stay with me.
I know I’ve said we ain’t got no hope
But deep inside I want you to prove me wrong.
And even if I won’t pick up the phone
To see the miss calls bring warmth in my heart
But you drive me crazy; need to protect myself
I set myself free.

[CHROUS]

[REFRAIN:]
And if someday I get a boyfriend, if any, after you
And you decide you still want me, and your heart aches to see me with him
Don’t be afraid to come over, and tell me the truth
And court me like you’ve never before, cause maybe I’m really still into you.
And someday when I’m in a white dress, bells ringing, doves singing
And your heart aches seeing me in a white dress with some other man,
Don’t be afraid to stand up, and speak before it’s too late-
And spare me from eternity thinking what it would be if you were a better man.
Spare me from eternity spending my lifetime with the wrong man.

[CHROUS]

And if in a decade or so, I’m still your only one,
Even after I have wandered far and lied to you,
Perhaps then I will know it’s true
And maybe then I wouldn’t have to lie,
Maybe then I could finally say
I love you too.

Homeward

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Ashamed of the things I allowed to be done, ashamed of my sin,
I let these things define who I am- the past and mistakes.
For long, I’ve thrived in my guilt, broke down a number of times
Fearing the consequences to come- punishment from above.

With my sin and immoral acts, I drifted apart from You;
For how can I come to You in prayer when Perfection is Your name.
I heard the devil’s victory laugh as my soul collapsed
As I allowed my every shame to conquer and devour my core.

Fearing how people would see me and judge me when they find my flaws,
Knowing how people love to gossip as I lose their respect.
Afraid of how unlovable I would then be if things were to fall apart-
How I would grow old, lonely and gray, bitter of all things.

Searching for people’s approval, people-pleaser that I am,
I forget there is one to please the most- You, O Lord.
I let the world win over my convictions and sway me from my roots
I ask for Your forgiveness, for strength- to be renewed.

Your great love remains unchanged even though I’ve let You down;
There is nothing I can ever do for You to love me any more or less.
Your grace is abundant, Your blessings overflow;
I’m showered everyday by Your grace that I do not deserve.

Lord, lead me to follow Your commands, allow me to stand firm
I long to draw closer to You, as I have drifted far.
I am Your sheep- wandered lost, fallen, and wounded;
You are my good Shepherd, searching and calling me home.

Midnight Creatives #2: His Mistakes

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We had agreements we thought we could keep
To only cross over- the trust that I ripped.
Her heart so innocent, so pure, and full of wonder-
Is the heart slipped from my hands, crashing down under.

A million glass pieces, shards that turned black;
Blood from my hands slipping through every crack.
Where light once was came darkness from within
Seeping into her veins and through her bloodstream.

Midnight Creatives #1: His Loss

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She breathed deeply, closed her eyes,
Little diamonds streaming down her face.
“It’s over,” she whispered; closed her eyes once more-
Kissed me one last time and walked out the door.

I didn’t chase her as I’ve done before,
Nor did I hold her tightly on the porch floor.
Blankly, I stared into empty space
To have years gone by searching for her face.

Memory of July 22, 2016

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Weakening of the flesh, weakening of the soul
Lost will, lost hope, crushed dreams; an empty dark hole.
Forced on the ground- helpless and confused,
It’s been nine months now, but bruise came after bruise.

A pain in your chest, a punch in your gut,
Constricting of the lungs, deep breathes- no air.
A noise in your head, poison starts to spread
Tears well up in your eyes; they start to flow.

A memory- a gift; this memory- a curse
To remember is a nightmare during the day.
Never ending nightmare, still gruesome until now
You wonder when it’ll end, you wonder how.

Nevermore Disparaging

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A bend, a break- they’re part of life.
Someday, somehow, we’re bound to grow.
Through the storm, we’ll find the light
Nobody’s perfectly white as snow.

We’re all tainted with a darker side-
Different shades and colors, yet all are the same.
This world- prejudicial; we try to hide
We all have mistakes, regrets, and pain.

No one can condemn you- not even yourself
Repentance and change; the Lord is forgiving.
Underneath our masks, there is no disparity
Spread the love, nevermore disparaging.