I know. I walked out the door
Don’t remember what it all was for
I just wanted you to chase after me-
Tell me to turn around; but I’m all alone.
I break, knowing I’m not good enough
Every inch is scarred, calloused, and rough
Unwanted orphan searching for a home
No, not a house- I long for a home.
My heart, I gave you; you’re my only home
Yet I still feel like an orphan every storm.
I threaten to leave without meaning to
And suddenly I am put to shame.
All I wanted was you to be my home
To welcome me back despite where I’ve come from.
Wrap me in your arms; tell me all is okay.
When I try to run, chase me- make me stay.
Alone, I walked out the door
I looked back and sobbed ‘til my eyes were sore
All I wanted was for you to say you’re sorry;
Tell me to turn around as you chase after me.
She’s desperate to leave, weak and depressed,
Slowly surrendering to her dark side.
I’m determined to keep her, to love her;
I’ll show her wondrous things of her she does not see.
Sure enough, I’ve said and done some wrong things,
But a better man I shall be all for her.
I’ll help her find herself and show her what’s real;
I’ll light the fire inside her heart that has gone dim.
Weakening of the flesh, weakening of the soul
Lost will, lost hope, crushed dreams; an empty dark hole.
Forced on the ground- helpless and confused,
It’s been nine months now, but bruise came after bruise.
A pain in your chest, a punch in your gut,
Constricting of the lungs, deep breathes- no air.
A noise in your head, poison starts to spread
Tears well up in your eyes; they start to flow.
A memory- a gift; this memory- a curse
To remember is a nightmare during the day.
Never ending nightmare, still gruesome until now
You wonder when it’ll end, you wonder how.
Felt like falling in love for the first time-
The sweet fragrance emerging once again.
You and I, together way up high-
A beautiful early sunset,
The view of the sea and the sky;
Another precious memory I won’t forget.
(From December 15, 2016)
If you let the past dictate-
The outcome of the present things,
You will only turn back
And never see the could have been’s.
If you let fear conquer-
What could have been opportunities,
It will forever remain
As a mere fraction of your memory.