I know. I walked out the door
Don’t remember what it all was for
I just wanted you to chase after me-
Tell me to turn around; but I’m all alone.
I break, knowing I’m not good enough
Every inch is scarred, calloused, and rough
Unwanted orphan searching for a home
No, not a house- I long for a home.
My heart, I gave you; you’re my only home
Yet I still feel like an orphan every storm.
I threaten to leave without meaning to
And suddenly I am put to shame.
All I wanted was you to be my home
To welcome me back despite where I’ve come from.
Wrap me in your arms; tell me all is okay.
When I try to run, chase me- make me stay.
Alone, I walked out the door
I looked back and sobbed ‘til my eyes were sore
All I wanted was for you to say you’re sorry;
Tell me to turn around as you chase after me.
I wronged him; but still, he held me close
Folded me against his chest as I sobbed.
I remember I told him I looked like a mess
Then I heard it-
“You look beautiful as always.”
I’m alone in my silence,
And there she is with Conscience.
I’m in bed, in the darkness,
She tells me I am worthless.
Long days when I feel unloved,
She whispers- to only agree
Triggered through my sensitive skin,
Another wave, she rushes in.
Inseparable- no escape
Endless pitfall of guilt and shame.
Bitter feelings, jealousy-
There’s no future nor hope for me.
To dream for her death is to dream-
A dream so remote, I dare not dream
To tame is a skill I do not have
As the soul is unwilling to embrace.
She walks with me everyday-
She walks among us, my friends.
Don’t look at me on the dark days;
You might see her instead.
Not knowing when be one last time,
This could be time to bid goodbye
As I doubt the days to come
Am I still the apple of your eyes?
Somehow your kindness starts to fade
Though you still wipe away my tears
It’s no longer the same as before-
The way you calmed my fears.
Suddenly, in you, I saw my past
Repeating for my future;
I see the boy who left me back then
Who wavered as he was no longer sure.
If in the future lies one last time,
Then this could be time to bid goodbye
I doubt the days to come-
Will I forever be the apple of your eyes?
My heart crumbled with fear,
And he left me in my tears
As he went to bed that night
Without saying the words “goodnight.”
He used to be so kind
Looking at me with his soft eyes;
A gentle smile of love,
Sweet words to halt my sobs.
I remember him wiping away my tears,
Whispering apologies in my ears;
I remember the day when he said
He can never get mad at me.
I miss the days when he
Would be ever forgiving to me.
His patience would never run low
As it unconditionally grew.
But times have changed and he-
Has changed along with time.
Now I shall sleep in fear
With this crumbling heart of mine.
The day was sunny and the future was bright-
A brief escape from reality’s flames
A wondrous heaven of aimless walking and laughter,
Endless as it seemed-
Too good to be true.
As all good things come to an end
The day has passed; you brought me back
To my darkness that I try to destroy.
Bottomless pit, sorrowful tears,
Rain and rainbow in its cycle
Too much sunlight brings forth heaven’s tears.
Endlessly caged within my storm,
I try not to be happy;
I’m afraid that I will be.
I don’t think it was a coincidence
that you took my number for your phone.
I don’t believe it was an accident
that my heart made yours its home.
Open-wide arms, stretch marks, and chest,
I fit perfectly i side.
Beautifully flawed, grit put to test,
two hearts learning, growing- collide.
I’m perfectly fine hanging on a thread
and my mind’s at its worse; it’s a mess.
If we were a color, we would be blood red-
Stay by my side, you are my zest.
If we were discovered, there goes the secret
we kept so long under bridges and stones.
If things go wrong, don’t panic, don’t fret;
all the roads lead back to home.
Freckles as stars, avalange, flood gates,
fireflies to firecrackers on New Year’s Eve.
Running blind, mute, and deaf towards barricades-
honing faith, never leave; every night will be New Year’s Eve.