life

Woe to My Heart

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Woe to me and my heart-

You wound me like no other

Drew your darts and paper flowers

Made me disobey my mother.

 

Mercy upon my heart strings-

You played me like a player

Gave up everything I’ve garnered

And followed my betrayer.

 

Lord forgive your cruel actions-

You fill my mind with foolish things

Hunger through every interaction

And starve through famine, craving feast.

 

(from May 25, 2018)

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Cannot Move On

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I don’t wish to regret whatever decision we make now

But if we were to split apart, please don’t have someone new

I know it’s selfish but I cannot bear the pain to be replaced

Please wait for me to get over you and have someone else

Not that I want to move on- just that I cannot move on from you.

What No One Knows

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She stands alone

She talks to her shadows

The storm came by

And took all she’s ever known

Now she’s lost and lonely

And no one even knows.

 

She cries alone

In the middle of the night

The storm came by

And she’s lost everything she’s ever had

Now she’s fallen into the dark

And no one even knows.

 

How can a girl love

When she loved and lost?

How can you keep a girl

When you never won her at all?

She’s found hell and decided

“It’s not so bad,” she says, “I’m already here.”

Pain and flames but she’s grown numb

She can’t find hope nor Light

She’s lost her will to live

And no one even knows.

Chase After Me

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I know. I walked out the door

Don’t remember what it all was for

I just wanted you to chase after me-

Tell me to turn around; but I’m all alone.

 

I break, knowing I’m not good enough

Every inch is scarred, calloused, and rough

Unwanted orphan searching for a home

No, not a house- I long for a home.

 

My heart, I gave you; you’re my only home

Yet I still feel like an orphan every storm.

I threaten to leave without meaning to

And suddenly I am put to shame.

 

All I wanted was you to be my home

To welcome me back despite where I’ve come from.

Wrap me in your arms; tell me all is okay.

When I try to run, chase me- make me stay.

 

Alone, I walked out the door

I looked back and sobbed ‘til my eyes were sore

All I wanted was for you to say you’re sorry;

Tell me to turn around as you chase after me.

Future

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Is it wrong that I fear your departure

That I watch as intently as a vulture

No, you’re not a prey I wish to capture—

I just really need you in my future.

Past in Future

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Not knowing when be one last time,
This could be time to bid goodbye
As I doubt the days to come
Am I still the apple of your eyes?

Somehow your kindness starts to fade
Though you still wipe away my tears
It’s no longer the same as before-
The way you calmed my fears.

Suddenly, in you, I saw my past
Repeating for my future;
I see the boy who left me back then
Who wavered as he was no longer sure.

If in the future lies one last time,
Then this could be time to bid goodbye
I doubt the days to come-
Will I forever be the apple of your eyes?

They Were Right/ I Miss You

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Perhaps they were right- we are too young;
Old enough to fall in love, too young to stay in love.
We are young. We are growing, unstable, maturing-
People change; we’re molded with different dents,
But maybe we’re too old to dent on the same end
And sometimes I can’t help it but
I miss you.

We fight, each time under a new flag you charge;
You whip me with your tongue, hands, empty art-
I, so wounded deep, stand to stay strong
To only be chastised for being strong;
And sometimes I can’t help it but
I miss you.

I miss the gracefully dented art
I envisioned you to be.
I miss the unscraped sides I saw-
Or thought were there as they seemed.
I miss your soft clay to bend and dent at my own scratches and flaws;
Perhaps they were right and we are wrong together
But at the end of the day, for how long we shall last, though we’re no longer the same
I love you more to date.