Perhaps I expect too much
Or think way more than I should
That I become afraid of things
And finish with nothing done.
We know not all rules are right
Though sometimes we have to abide
In order to spare ourselves
Of consequences we don’t deserve.
Gray areas are everywhere
And certainty has become rare;
In a society so wretched,
Humanity is far fetched.
Perhaps you’ve done plenteous
That lead my mind to wander far-
To fantasize one happy ending
And thousands of dreadful ones.
Baby if you were a drug, then I had an overdose;
And now that I’m sober, I need to get over
I need to get rehab, I need to tune down.
Am so confused, tears fall down at night
Can’t seem to forget the things in my mind.
The stupid things; bad turns in life
Tend to overshadow good ones in sight.
Can’t live like this- wounding over and over
The thoughts that kill me every time I am sober.
Bring me back to June, July, August
Days I didn’t know your touch.
The fragrance of soft beginnings
Is the innocence I crave so much.
Where have the good times gone? I used to be so free
Tell me what I have done to wound myself so deep?
A part of me wants to leave, but hurting you would be so mean.
Is this what I really want?
When you stand before my eyes, I feel so damn lucky
Your love for me is more than I’ll ever need.
A part of me wants to stay; what if you’re the one for me?
Is this what I really need?
The noise in my head, so hard to explain
And my hands-these hands, so so much stains.
Fatigue. Load I carry behind my back;
Is there something in my life that I lack?
The shame and guilt from the things I have done,
Are the weights on my shoulders of the crime not forgone.
It’s so hard to think straight, I feel so lost
Chaos in my brain, I can’t take it no more
Thought I was ready for this, but then I guess not.
And If I told you about these things that kill me,
I can just imagine your anger rising.
I wonder if you could ever understand,
Our principles, faith, and values are just-
Is an apology even an apology
When the same deed is done repeatedly?
Where is the genuity, respect; is it no big deal?
To me, it is what hurts me the most.
You took something from me I can never take back-
Something no money can ever buy.
You keep taking little by little every single time
Even when I tell you to stop.
You continue to exploit your resources;
And the cycle begins again.
This makes me want to vomit; I don’t want to eat.
Each morning feels so empty without you in it.
I lay at night thinking, “When will we be free?”
I drift to sleep wishing they would understand me.
My lungs feel like they’re drowning; my heart is in my throat.
We’re constantly running; every stride hurts us both.
Our tears can fill an ocean or create a dead sea.
Nothing’s ever the same for you and for me.
A stretch of road with traps; we could fall in any time.
With the fog keeping the end out of sight, we run blind.
At the end could be a lion- read to devour;
It could be a cliff, an end, even a raging war.
I tried to go with the river like everybody else,
But I end up having trouble catching my breath.
I built a canoe to help me row through,
But the current was so strong, it broke in two.
I fell into the water, unto you I cling;
For there’s one thing I can’t do- I can’t swim.
I am terrified; I long to return to land,
But you’re a swimmer, a diver, a merman.
The beauties and dangers of the water I saw.
You promised you won’t let the water hurt me;
But one day curiosity got the best of us,
And we went to the deepest parts of the sea.
O the horrors of such forbidden route-
Still haunts me every single night.
Though you promised no one would ever know,
Such memories don’t just disappear from sight.
My mind went crazy ever since that day,
The voices in my head- they decided to stay.
No matter how hard I tried to remove the stench,
At the end of the day- still the deep sea scent.
We say we won’t return, but we always go back.
King of Atlantis sent his soldiers to attack.
On the wanted list- your face and mine;
Is there still room for reform? Do we still have time?
I fell in love with a merman, what can I do?
He fell in love with a human; the world’s so cruel.
As much as I want to bide, I need to return,
The land’s where I belong; I need to grow and learn.
As you swim, I’ll walk by the riverbank.
Maybe one day I’ll become a mermaid-
Or you become a man; if not,
At least we had what we had.
Jake is my sun, my moon, and my stars;
And my favorite place- wrapped in his arms.
No one has ever done it the same.
Thus, I write this in hopes that one day
Even though he’s moved on, he’ll see his name.
Unnoticed at first sight,
T’was just a dash of light.
Friends- that’s what we called it.
Till you crossed the limit.
Started at the bottom,
Now you make me blossom.
Made your way up the list,
Miss you. I can’t resist.
It was a dash of light gone by
And what you’ve hoped for was a lie
To force the flame inside to die
And watch the kill draw nigh
Trying to forget,
Trying to reset,
Everything in my head
All the things that you said
It’s for the best-
That I start again with a black canvas.