heart

Future

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Is it wrong that I fear your departure

That I watch as intently as a vulture

No, you’re not a prey I wish to capture—

I just really need you in my future.

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Depression

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I’m alone in my silence,
And there she is with Conscience.
I’m in bed, in the darkness,
She tells me I am worthless.

Long days when I feel unloved,
She whispers- to only agree
Triggered through my sensitive skin,
Another wave, she rushes in.

Inseparable- no escape
Endless pitfall of guilt and shame.
Bitter feelings, jealousy-
There’s no future nor hope for me.

To dream for her death is to dream-
A dream so remote, I dare not dream
To tame is a skill I do not have
As the soul is unwilling to embrace.

She walks with me everyday-
She walks among us, my friends.
Don’t look at me on the dark days;
You might see her instead.

Past in Future

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Not knowing when be one last time,
This could be time to bid goodbye
As I doubt the days to come
Am I still the apple of your eyes?

Somehow your kindness starts to fade
Though you still wipe away my tears
It’s no longer the same as before-
The way you calmed my fears.

Suddenly, in you, I saw my past
Repeating for my future;
I see the boy who left me back then
Who wavered as he was no longer sure.

If in the future lies one last time,
Then this could be time to bid goodbye
I doubt the days to come-
Will I forever be the apple of your eyes?

The Time We Passed

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My heart crumbled with fear,
And he left me in my tears
As he went to bed that night
Without saying the words “goodnight.”

He used to be so kind
Looking at me with his soft eyes;
A gentle smile of love,
Sweet words to halt my sobs.

I remember him wiping away my tears,
Whispering apologies in my ears;
I remember the day when he said
He can never get mad at me.

I miss the days when he
Would be ever forgiving to me.
His patience would never run low
As it unconditionally grew.

But times have changed and he-
Has changed along with time.
Now I shall sleep in fear
With this crumbling heart of mine.

An Escort into My Storm

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The day was sunny and the future was bright-
A brief escape from reality’s flames
A wondrous heaven of aimless walking and laughter,
Endless as it seemed-
Too good to be true.

As all good things come to an end
The day has passed; you brought me back
To my darkness that I try to destroy.
Bottomless pit, sorrowful tears,
Forever caged.

Rain and rainbow in its cycle
Too much sunlight brings forth heaven’s tears.
Endlessly caged within my storm,
I try not to be happy;
I’m afraid that I will be.

Every Time

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You know I’ve made some mistakes
so have you,
You know I’ve done bad things
you used to do,
You know I get trouble coping
like you
Yet your heart never stops beating
for me.
You know I have my temper
and my days,
but you still love me quite the same.
You know I’m not the best
at everything,
yet you tell me I’m perfect
beyond your dreams.
You know I grow older at each
second passing by
to tell tell me I only grow more
beautiful each second,
every time.

Waiting

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When will I find the one who won’t bring me tears
Who’d only make me cry of joy, whose actions calm my fears?
My heart is cold as stone- alone- away from Christmas cheer
It’s been this way ever since on each and every year.

When will I find my good prince practicing chivalry
Who’d slay every dragon for me, not his own glory.
To have full effort shown, nothing less; to be priority
To be appreciated of while respecting boundary.

When will I find a man who’d chase me through the rain
Who’d stay with me at every step, who’d take away my pain?
I need someone to push me to be better- not drive me insane
Who’d pass my every single test, who’d love my every stain.