depression

Depression 2.0

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Disclaimer: The following may contain upsetting context that may be inappropriate for certain audiences. This does not, in any way, encourage suicide or glorify depression. This is to further raise awareness, and a mere form of self-expression. It is best to not to proceed reading if you are going through difficulty, as it may induce strong and upsetting emotions. Thank you.

Did I fail at life–

Or did life fail me,

So much that I

Long to end my life?

 

For the older I become,

The more I realize

That my endless wait and hope

Are just futile fantasy.

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What No One Knows

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She stands alone

She talks to her shadows

The storm came by

And took all she’s ever known

Now she’s lost and lonely

And no one even knows.

 

She cries alone

In the middle of the night

The storm came by

And she’s lost everything she’s ever had

Now she’s fallen into the dark

And no one even knows.

 

How can a girl love

When she loved and lost?

How can you keep a girl

When you never won her at all?

She’s found hell and decided

“It’s not so bad,” she says, “I’m already here.”

Pain and flames but she’s grown numb

She can’t find hope nor Light

She’s lost her will to live

And no one even knows.

Depression

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I’m alone in my silence,
And there she is with Conscience.
I’m in bed, in the darkness,
She tells me I am worthless.

Long days when I feel unloved,
She whispers- to only agree
Triggered through my sensitive skin,
Another wave, she rushes in.

Inseparable- no escape
Endless pitfall of guilt and shame.
Bitter feelings, jealousy-
There’s no future nor hope for me.

To dream for her death is to dream-
A dream so remote, I dare not dream
To tame is a skill I do not have
As the soul is unwilling to embrace.

She walks with me everyday-
She walks among us, my friends.
Don’t look at me on the dark days;
You might see her instead.

The Time We Passed

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My heart crumbled with fear,
And he left me in my tears
As he went to bed that night
Without saying the words “goodnight.”

He used to be so kind
Looking at me with his soft eyes;
A gentle smile of love,
Sweet words to halt my sobs.

I remember him wiping away my tears,
Whispering apologies in my ears;
I remember the day when he said
He can never get mad at me.

I miss the days when he
Would be ever forgiving to me.
His patience would never run low
As it unconditionally grew.

But times have changed and he-
Has changed along with time.
Now I shall sleep in fear
With this crumbling heart of mine.

An Escort into My Storm

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The day was sunny and the future was bright-
A brief escape from reality’s flames
A wondrous heaven of aimless walking and laughter,
Endless as it seemed-
Too good to be true.

As all good things come to an end
The day has passed; you brought me back
To my darkness that I try to destroy.
Bottomless pit, sorrowful tears,
Forever caged.

Rain and rainbow in its cycle
Too much sunlight brings forth heaven’s tears.
Endlessly caged within my storm,
I try not to be happy;
I’m afraid that I will be.

Midnight Creatives #3: A True Story

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She’s desperate to leave, weak and depressed,
Slowly surrendering to her dark side.
I’m determined to keep her, to love her;
I’ll show her wondrous things of her she does not see.

Sure enough, I’ve said and done some wrong things,
But a better man I shall be all for her.
I’ll help her find herself and show her what’s real;
I’ll light the fire inside her heart that has gone dim.

Memory of July 22, 2016

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Weakening of the flesh, weakening of the soul
Lost will, lost hope, crushed dreams; an empty dark hole.
Forced on the ground- helpless and confused,
It’s been nine months now, but bruise came after bruise.

A pain in your chest, a punch in your gut,
Constricting of the lungs, deep breathes- no air.
A noise in your head, poison starts to spread
Tears well up in your eyes; they start to flow.

A memory- a gift; this memory- a curse
To remember is a nightmare during the day.
Never ending nightmare, still gruesome until now
You wonder when it’ll end, you wonder how.