I’m alone in my silence,
And there she is with Conscience.
I’m in bed, in the darkness,
She tells me I am worthless.
Long days when I feel unloved,
She whispers- to only agree
Triggered through my sensitive skin,
Another wave, she rushes in.
Inseparable- no escape
Endless pitfall of guilt and shame.
Bitter feelings, jealousy-
There’s no future nor hope for me.
To dream for her death is to dream-
A dream so remote, I dare not dream
To tame is a skill I do not have
As the soul is unwilling to embrace.
She walks with me everyday-
She walks among us, my friends.
Don’t look at me on the dark days;
You might see her instead.
My heart crumbled with fear,
And he left me in my tears
As he went to bed that night
Without saying the words “goodnight.”
He used to be so kind
Looking at me with his soft eyes;
A gentle smile of love,
Sweet words to halt my sobs.
I remember him wiping away my tears,
Whispering apologies in my ears;
I remember the day when he said
He can never get mad at me.
I miss the days when he
Would be ever forgiving to me.
His patience would never run low
As it unconditionally grew.
But times have changed and he-
Has changed along with time.
Now I shall sleep in fear
With this crumbling heart of mine.
The day was sunny and the future was bright-
A brief escape from reality’s flames
A wondrous heaven of aimless walking and laughter,
Endless as it seemed-
Too good to be true.
As all good things come to an end
The day has passed; you brought me back
To my darkness that I try to destroy.
Bottomless pit, sorrowful tears,
Rain and rainbow in its cycle
Too much sunlight brings forth heaven’s tears.
Endlessly caged within my storm,
I try not to be happy;
I’m afraid that I will be.
She’s desperate to leave, weak and depressed,
Slowly surrendering to her dark side.
I’m determined to keep her, to love her;
I’ll show her wondrous things of her she does not see.
Sure enough, I’ve said and done some wrong things,
But a better man I shall be all for her.
I’ll help her find herself and show her what’s real;
I’ll light the fire inside her heart that has gone dim.
Weakening of the flesh, weakening of the soul
Lost will, lost hope, crushed dreams; an empty dark hole.
Forced on the ground- helpless and confused,
It’s been nine months now, but bruise came after bruise.
A pain in your chest, a punch in your gut,
Constricting of the lungs, deep breathes- no air.
A noise in your head, poison starts to spread
Tears well up in your eyes; they start to flow.
A memory- a gift; this memory- a curse
To remember is a nightmare during the day.
Never ending nightmare, still gruesome until now
You wonder when it’ll end, you wonder how.
Hopelessly broken, sprawled on the floor
You worry much more than you’ve ever had before.
Anxious and confused, afraid to make a move;
You avoid the crossroads, but there you are again.
It’s no wonder they say “Look before you fall.”
It may be you were never meant to be at all
Your heart has grown attached, he runs through your veins
His core never really changes when he says he’ll change.
You live your life daily doing what you do;
But inside, your heart is heavy- your mind is too.
For once you wonder if you undergo depression,
That perhaps you’ve gotten a phycological disorder.
Fairytale happy endings you used to dream about
Vanished little by little as doubt come after doubt.
Life hit you hard enough to see reality,
So all that’s left for you is practicality.
Permanent scratches mark my heart,
As fingernails dig into it.
Like pain and love won’t stay apart,
Each day I fall in the dark pit.
Alas! I’ve found my life time curse,
The curse that destroyed me badly.
Although I’m mended by a nurse,
I heal, but break eternally.