confusion

Second Thoughts

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They say that an individual’s friends reflect parts of himself.
They say how he talks about others is how he’ll talk about you.
They say jokes are half meant- especially the bad ones.
Passed on throughout time, these words must hold some truth.

What makes a man, a man? All she sees are teenage boys.
They say boys mature slower- this may be true as well;
Yet this is never a valid justification
Such as the statement “Boys will be boys.”

How can she be blamed when she starts to doubt-
When tears fall from her eyes at least once a week.
Perhaps she has learned her lesson to never trust others-
To love herself first and not give away her everything.

She has thousands and millions of reasons to leave;
Yet that sole reason to stay, she chose to hope and believe.
So small and fragile- one wrong move can shatter her world.
Princess of china, tired and lost in her second thoughts.

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Voices Inside #2: My Dilemma

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VERSE 1:
Baby if you were a drug, then I had an overdose;
And now that I’m sober, I need to get over
I need to get rehab, I need to tune down.
Am so confused, tears fall down at night
Can’t seem to forget the things in my mind.
The stupid things; bad turns in life
Tend to overshadow good ones in sight.
Can’t live like this- wounding over and over
The thoughts that kill me every time I am sober.

BRIDGE:
Bring me back to June, July, August
Days I didn’t know your touch.
The fragrance of soft beginnings
Is the innocence I crave so much.

CHORUS:
Where have the good times gone? I used to be so free
Tell me what I have done to wound myself so deep?
A part of me wants to leave, but hurting you would be so mean.
Is this what I really want?

When you stand before my eyes, I feel so damn lucky
Your love for me is more than I’ll ever need.
A part of me wants to stay; what if you’re the one for me?
Is this what I really need?

VERSE2:
The noise in my head, so hard to explain
And my hands-these hands, so so much stains.
Fatigue. Load I carry behind my back;
Is there something in my life that I lack?
The shame and guilt from the things I have done,
Are the weights on my shoulders of the crime not forgone.
It’s so hard to think straight, I feel so lost
Chaos in my brain, I can’t take it no more
Thought I was ready for this, but then I guess not.

(BRIDGE)

(CHORUS)

REFRAIN:
And If I told you about these things that kill me,
I can just imagine your anger rising.
I wonder if you could ever understand,
Our principles, faith, and values are just-
So different.

(CHORUS)

Confusion

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You were chasing me;

I was chasing an illusion.

It took one month, you see,

For me to break the confusion.

 

Every word you spoke

Made me fall in deeper;

But every word you spoke

Made you draw much farther.

 

I was too blind to notice

The beating of my heart.

To know that you’re the one I miss,

Through the pain each time we part.

 

You’re no longer chasing me;

I’m no longer chasing an illusion.

Now that you’re the only one I see,

You are trapped inside confusion.

Hidden

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All the things that I thought were true,
All the things that we’ve been through,
All the things that I’ve done for him,
We’re all a waste as it seems…

But why do I even bother,
When I treat him as a brother,
Could there be something hidden-
Something more maybe even?