A New Fire

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If my fire grows dim and starts to fade,
Would you try to rekindle it?
No, don’t put a glass globe; don’t try to confine
Don’t force the flame- it’ll die within.
Use a lighter, light a match. Start a fire- a new fire.

If all is finished and I’m left drifting smoke,
You can either give up or try again.
Don’t try to catch them; set them free
Smoke is never healthy for you and me.
Gather some sticks, find some stones. Start a fire- a new fire.

Memory of July 22, 2016

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Weakening of the flesh, weakening of the soul
Lost will, lost hope, crushed dreams; an empty dark hole.
Forced on the ground- helpless and confused,
It’s been nine months now, but bruise came after bruise.

A pain in your chest, a punch in your gut,
Constricting of the lungs, deep breathes- no air.
A noise in your head, poison starts to spread
Tears well up in your eyes; they start to flow.

A memory- a gift; this memory- a curse
To remember is a nightmare during the day.
Never ending nightmare, still gruesome until now
You wonder when it’ll end, you wonder how.

Nevermore Disparaging

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A bend, a break- they’re part of life.
Someday, somehow, we’re bound to grow.
Through the storm, we’ll find the light
Nobody’s perfectly white as snow.

We’re all tainted with a darker side-
Different shades and colors, yet all are the same.
This world- prejudicial; we try to hide
We all have mistakes, regrets, and pain.

No one can condemn you- not even yourself
Repentance and change; the Lord is forgiving.
Underneath our masks, there is no disparity
Spread the love, nevermore disparaging.

When Life Hits You Hard

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Hopelessly broken, sprawled on the floor
You worry much more than you’ve ever had before.
Anxious and confused, afraid to make a move;
You avoid the crossroads, but there you are again.

It’s no wonder they say “Look before you fall.”
It may be you were never meant to be at all
Your heart has grown attached, he runs through your veins
His core never really changes when he says he’ll change.

You live your life daily doing what you do;
But inside, your heart is heavy- your mind is too.
For once you wonder if you undergo depression,
That perhaps you’ve gotten a phycological disorder.

Fairytale happy endings you used to dream about
Vanished little by little as doubt come after doubt.
Life hit you hard enough to see reality,
So all that’s left for you is practicality.

Second Thoughts

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They say that an individual’s friends reflect parts of himself.
They say how he talks about others is how he’ll talk about you.
They say jokes are half meant- especially the bad ones.
Passed on throughout time, these words must hold some truth.

What makes a man, a man? All she sees are teenage boys.
They say boys mature slower- this may be true as well;
Yet this is never a valid justification
Such as the statement “Boys will be boys.”

How can she be blamed when she starts to doubt-
When tears fall from her eyes at least once a week.
Perhaps she has learned her lesson to never trust others-
To love herself first and not give away her everything.

She has thousands and millions of reasons to leave;
Yet that sole reason to stay, she chose to hope and believe.
So small and fragile- one wrong move can shatter her world.
Princess of china, tired and lost in her second thoughts.

Wandering Mind

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Perhaps I expect too much
        Or think way more than I should
        That I become afraid of things
        And finish with nothing done.

We know not all rules are right
        Though sometimes we have to abide
        In order to spare ourselves
        Of consequences we don’t deserve.

Gray areas are everywhere
        And certainty has become rare;
        In a society so wretched,
        Humanity is far fetched.

Perhaps you’ve done plenteous
        That lead my mind to wander far-
        To fantasize one happy ending
        And thousands of dreadful ones.

Voices Inside #2: My Dilemma

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VERSE 1:
Baby if you were a drug, then I had an overdose;
And now that I’m sober, I need to get over
I need to get rehab, I need to tune down.
Am so confused, tears fall down at night
Can’t seem to forget the things in my mind.
The stupid things; bad turns in life
Tend to overshadow good ones in sight.
Can’t live like this- wounding over and over
The thoughts that kill me every time I am sober.

BRIDGE:
Bring me back to June, July, August
Days I didn’t know your touch.
The fragrance of soft beginnings
Is the innocence I crave so much.

CHORUS:
Where have the good times gone? I used to be so free
Tell me what I have done to wound myself so deep?
A part of me wants to leave, but hurting you would be so mean.
Is this what I really want?

When you stand before my eyes, I feel so damn lucky
Your love for me is more than I’ll ever need.
A part of me wants to stay; what if you’re the one for me?
Is this what I really need?

VERSE2:
The noise in my head, so hard to explain
And my hands-these hands, so so much stains.
Fatigue. Load I carry behind my back;
Is there something in my life that I lack?
The shame and guilt from the things I have done,
Are the weights on my shoulders of the crime not forgone.
It’s so hard to think straight, I feel so lost
Chaos in my brain, I can’t take it no more
Thought I was ready for this, but then I guess not.

(BRIDGE)

(CHORUS)

REFRAIN:
And If I told you about these things that kill me,
I can just imagine your anger rising.
I wonder if you could ever understand,
Our principles, faith, and values are just-
So different.

(CHORUS)