Woe to My Heart
Woe to me and my heart-
You wound me like no other
Drew your darts and paper flowers
Made me disobey my mother.
Mercy upon my heart strings-
You played me like a player
Gave up everything I’ve garnered
And followed my betrayer.
Lord forgive your cruel actions-
You fill my mind with foolish things
Hunger through every interaction
And starve through famine, craving feast.
(from May 25, 2018)
Cannot Move On
I don’t wish to regret whatever decision we make now
But if we were to split apart, please don’t have someone new
I know it’s selfish but I cannot bear the pain to be replaced
Please wait for me to get over you and have someone else
Not that I want to move on- just that I cannot move on from you.
What No One Knows
She stands alone
She talks to her shadows
The storm came by
And took all she’s ever known
Now she’s lost and lonely
And no one even knows.
She cries alone
In the middle of the night
The storm came by
And she’s lost everything she’s ever had
Now she’s fallen into the dark
And no one even knows.
How can a girl love
When she loved and lost?
How can you keep a girl
When you never won her at all?
She’s found hell and decided
“It’s not so bad,” she says, “I’m already here.”
Pain and flames but she’s grown numb
She can’t find hope nor Light
She’s lost her will to live
And no one even knows.
Chase After Me
I know. I walked out the door
Don’t remember what it all was for
I just wanted you to chase after me-
Tell me to turn around; but I’m all alone.
I break, knowing I’m not good enough
Every inch is scarred, calloused, and rough
Unwanted orphan searching for a home
No, not a house- I long for a home.
My heart, I gave you; you’re my only home
Yet I still feel like an orphan every storm.
I threaten to leave without meaning to
And suddenly I am put to shame.
All I wanted was you to be my home
To welcome me back despite where I’ve come from.
Wrap me in your arms; tell me all is okay.
When I try to run, chase me- make me stay.
Alone, I walked out the door
I looked back and sobbed ‘til my eyes were sore
All I wanted was for you to say you’re sorry;
Tell me to turn around as you chase after me.
Future
Is it wrong that I fear your departure
That I watch as intently as a vulture
No, you’re not a prey I wish to capture—
I just really need you in my future.
A Beautiful Mess
I wronged him; but still, he held me close
Folded me against his chest as I sobbed.
I remember I told him I looked like a mess
Then I heard it-
“You look beautiful as always.”
Depression
I’m alone in my silence,
And there she is with Conscience.
I’m in bed, in the darkness,
She tells me I am worthless.
Long days when I feel unloved,
She whispers- to only agree
Triggered through my sensitive skin,
Another wave, she rushes in.
Inseparable- no escape
Endless pitfall of guilt and shame.
Bitter feelings, jealousy-
There’s no future nor hope for me.
To dream for her death is to dream-
A dream so remote, I dare not dream
To tame is a skill I do not have
As the soul is unwilling to embrace.
She walks with me everyday-
She walks among us, my friends.
Don’t look at me on the dark days;
You might see her instead.
